Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
