Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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