I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
