His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
