Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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