we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have aggressive nipples.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
