i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
