If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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