Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
