Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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