she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
