I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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