I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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