he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
