the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh god it's open bar.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
