He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
