I am full of burrito and curiosity
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
