I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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