So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
