Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
