he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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