She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
