My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
