Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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