So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
