I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
