You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
