Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
