if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
smell my finger.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
