Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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