her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
