i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
