I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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