I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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