physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
