you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Randomize
