This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
