she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
