I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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