That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
