hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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