I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
