Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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