I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
