According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
