My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
