im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
