Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
