now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
