Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
