my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Everything about him screamed your future.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
